Friday, 20 September 2013

William Shakespeare Quotes

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
--William Shakespeare

No legacy is so rich as honesty.
-William Shakespeare

Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind.
-William Shakespeare

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win by fearing to attempt.
-William Shakespeare

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
-William Shakespeare

An overflow of good converts to bad.
-William Shakespeare

Women may fall when there’s no strength in men.
-William Shakespeare

Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
-William Shakespeare

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.
-William Shakespeare

How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
-William Shakespeare

Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?
-William Shakespeare

Words without thoughts never to heaven go.
-William Shakespeare

False face must hide what the false heart doth know.
-William Shakespeare

Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.
-William Shakespeare

What’s done can’t be undone.
-William Shakespeare

Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.
-William Shakespeare

The golden age is before us, not behind us.
-William Shakespeare

They do not love that do not show their love.
-William Shakespeare

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
-William Shakespeare

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
-William Shakespeare

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
-William Shakespeare

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
-William Shakespeare

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
-William Shakespeare

If music be the food of love, play on.
-William Shakespeare

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
-William Shakespeare

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
-William Shakespeare

Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.
-William Shakespeare

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
-William Shakespeare

When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry.
-William Shakespeare

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.
-William Shakespeare

Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
-William Shakespeare

Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.
-William Shakespeare

The course of true love never did run smooth.
-William Shakespeare

Listen to many, speak to a few.
-William Shakespeare

And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.
-William Shakespeare

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
-William Shakespeare

A peace is of the nature of a conquest; for then both parties nobly are subdued, and neither party loser.
-William Shakespeare

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
-William Shakespeare

The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.
-William Shakespeare

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
-William Shakespeare



Mahatma Gandhi Quotes

1. It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.
2. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
3. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
4. Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion.
5. Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
6. God, as Truth, has been for me a treasure beyond price. May He be so to every one of us.
7. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
8. Nonviolence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.
9. An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody will see it.
10. Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it.
11. Abstinence is forgiveness only when there is power to punish; it is meaningless when it pretends to proceed from a helpless creature.
12. Fasts could not be undertaken out of anger. Anger was a short madness.
13. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
14. Terrorism and deception are weapons not of the strong but of the weak.
15. Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.
16. Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.
17. I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.
18. God is, even though the whole world denies him. Truth stands, even if there be no public support. It is self-sustained.
19. Man is the maker of his own destiny, and I therefore ask you to become makers of your own destiny.
20. My Gita tells me that evil can never result from good action.
21. There are times when you have to obey a call which is the highest of all, i.e., the voice of conscience even though such obedience may cost many a bitter tear, and even more, separation from friends, from family, from the state to which you may belong, from all that you have held as dear as life itself. For this obedience is the law of our being.
22. Woman is the companion of man, gifted with equal mental capacities. She has the right to participate in the minutest details in the activities of man, and she has an equal right of freedom and liberty with him.
23. It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.
24. Fear is not a disease of the body; fear kills the soul.
25. God sometimes does try to the uttermost those whom he wishes to bless.
26. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
27. A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.
28. Live simply that others may simply live.
29. Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.
30. The test of friendship is assistance in adversity, and that too, unconditional assistance. Co-operation which needs consideration is a commercial contract and not friendship. Conditional co-operation is like adulterated cement which does not bind.
31. An education which does not teach us to discriminate between good and bad, to assimilate the one and eschew the other, is a misnomer.
32. Affection cannot be manufactured or regulated by law. If one has no affection for a person or a system, one should be free to give the fullest expression to his disaffection, so long as he does not contemplate, promote, or incite to violence.
33. The good man is the friend of all living things.
34. There are seven sins in the world: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice and politics without principle.
35. Whenever I see an erring man, I say to myself I have also erred; when I see a lustful man I say to myself, so was I once; and in this way I feel kinship with everyone in the world and feel that I cannot be happy without the humblest of us being happy.
36. All truths, not merely ideas, but truthful faces, truthful pictures or songs, are highly beautiful.
37. No cost is too heavy for the preservation of one's honor.
38. An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
39. Even as wisdom often comes from the mouths of babes, so does it often come from the mouths of old people. The golden rule is to test everything in the light of reason and experience, no matter from where it comes.
40. The future depends on what we do in the present.
41. The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems.
42. The only devils in this world are those running around in our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought.
43. Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.
44. They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.
45. To conceal ignorance is to increase it. An honest confession of it, however, gives ground for the hope that it will diminish some day or the other.
46. True ahimsa (non – violence) should mean a complete freedom from illwill and anger and hate and an overflowing love for all.
47. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
48. The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within.
49. The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.

50. Non-violence does not signify that man must not fight against the enemy, and by enemy is meant the evil which men do, not the human beings themselves.

Dalai Lama Quotes

“Look at children. Of course they may quarrel, but generally speaking they do not harbor ill feelings as much or as long as adults do. Most adults have the advantage of education over children, but what is the use of an education if they show a big smile while hiding negative feelings deep inside? Children don’t usually act in such a manner. If they feel angry with someone, they express it, and then it is finished. They can still play with that person the following day.”
― Dalai Lama

“There is only one important point you must keep in your mind and let it be your guide. No matter what people call you, you are just who you are. Keep to this truth. You must ask yourself how is it you want to live your life. We live and we die, this is the truth that we can only face alone. No one can help us, not even the Buddha. So consider carefully, what prevents you from living the way you want to live your life?”
― Dalai Lama

“World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not just mere absence of violence. Peace is, I think, the manifestation of human compassion.”
― Dalai Lama

“All suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their own happiness or satisfaction”
― Dalai Lama

“A truly compassionate attitude toward others does not change even if they behave negatively or hurt you.”
― Dalai Lama

“The more you are motivated by Love,
The more Fearless & Free your action will be.”
― Dalai Lama

“We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”
― Dalai Lama

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day.”
― Dalai Lama

“Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.”
― Dalai Lama

“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.”
― Dalai Lama

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
― Dalai Lama

“A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals the secret of some hidden treasure.”
― Dalai Lama

“The way to change others’ minds is with affection, and not anger.”
― Dalai Lama

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.”
― Dalai Lama

“Love and Compassion are the true religions to me. But to develop this, we do not need to believe in any religion.”
― Dalai Lama

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.”
― Dalai Lama

“Inner peace is the key: if you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility…without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed, or unhappy because of circumstances.”
― Dalai Lama

“The purpose of all the major religious traditions is not to construct big temples on the outside, but to create temples of goodness and compassion inside, in our hearts.”
― Dalai Lama

“Compassion is the radicalism of our time.”
― Dalai Lama

“Because we all share this planet earth, we have to learn to live in harmony and peace with each other and with nature. This is not just a dream, but a necessity.”
― Dalai Lama

“When we are motivated by compassion and wisdom, the results of our actions benefit everyone, not just our individual selves or some immediate convenience. When we are able to recognize and forgive ignorant actions of the past, we gain strength to constructively solve the problems of the present.”
― Dalai Lama

“It is under the greatest adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself and others.”
― Dalai Lama

“Irrespective of whether we are believers or agnostics, whether we believe in God or karma, moral ethics is a code which everyone is able to pursue.”
― Dalai Lama

“If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun.”
― Dalai Lama

“Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.”
― Dalai Lama

 “I defeat my enemies when I make them my friends.”
― Dalai Lama


“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
― Dalai Lama

“Love is the absence of judgment.”
― Dalai Lama

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”
― Dalai Lama

“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
― Dalai Lama

“Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.”
― Dalai Lama

“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.”
― Dalai Lama

“Silence is sometimes the best answer”
― Dalai Lama

“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.”
― Dalai Lama

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
― Dalai Lama
“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.”
― Dalai Lama

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
― Dalai Lama

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
― Dalai Lama

“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama

“Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
― Dalai Lama

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
― Dalai Lama

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways–either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.”
― Dalai Lama

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”
― Dalai Lama

“The whole purpose of religion is to facilitate love and compassion, patience, tolerance, humility, and forgiveness.”
― Dalai Lama

“If you can cultivate the right attitude, your enemies are your best spiritual teachers because their presence provides you with the opportunity to enhance and develop tolerance, patience and understanding.”
― Dalai Lama

“I believe compassion to be one of the few things we can practice that will bring immediate and long-term happiness to our lives. I’m not talking about the short-term gratification of pleasures like sex, drugs or gambling (though I’m not knocking them), but something that will bring true and lasting happiness. The kind that sticks.”
― Dalai Lama

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
― Dalai Lama

“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.”
― Dalai Lama


“Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.”
― Dalai Lama

Buddha quotes

To keep the body in good health is a duty…otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.- Buddha

There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.- Buddha

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.- Buddha

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.- Buddha

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.- Buddha

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.  The mind is everything. What we think we become - Buddha

All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain? - Buddha

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. - Buddha

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you If you do not act on upon them? - Buddha

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely. - Buddha

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. - Buddha

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true. - Buddha

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change. - Buddha

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. - Buddha

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. - Buddha

The mind is everything. What you think you become. - Buddha

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. - Buddha

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.- Buddha

Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace. - Buddha

To understand everything is to forgive everything - Buddha

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.-Buddha

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.- Buddha

You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself- Buddha

An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.- Buddha

When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky - Buddha

However many holy words you read,However many you speak,What good will they do you If you do not act on upon them?- Buddha

A jug fills drop by drop.- Buddha

The tongue like a sharp knife… Kills without drawing blood.- Buddha

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.- Buddha

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.- Buddha

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker. - Buddha

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.- Buddha

The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.- Buddha

Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.- Buddha

Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.- Buddha

The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.- Buddha

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.- Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.- Buddha

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.- Buddha

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.- Buddha

What we think, we become.- Buddha

To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others- Buddha

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.- Buddha

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.- Buddha



Thursday, 19 September 2013

Rakhi Day is Righteous Day

.
This full moon day our hearts are in brim
Feeling of faith and serenity in mind.
We light the lamps and our hears glow
Radiance of happiness and peace are in flow.
Harmonious homes are like streams of joy
Flowing and flourishing the landscape en route.
Nobility in heart and character in deed
Righteous homes alone make a beautiful State.
Sisters will tie the thread on the brothers
Abiding them to do only what is right and clean.
Put the Kumkum and blessed rice on the head
Where will dwell right thoughts and noble action.

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

My dear Soldiers


Oh! Defenders of borders
You are great sons of my land
When we are all asleep
You still hold on to your deed
Windy season or snowy days
Or scorching sun's sweltering rays
You are there guarding all the time awake
Treading the lonely expanses as yogis
Climbing the heights or striding the valleys
Defending the deserts or guarding the marshes
Surveillance in seas and by securing the air
Prime of your youth given to the nation!!
Wind chimes of my land vibrate your feat
We pray for you brave men!!
May the Lord bless you all!!
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Phoenix of life


Life is a phoenix, can rise from the ashes
Presents a future at challenging situations
This altar of ashes is fountain of new life
War was thrusted, martyrdom shined
Memories of soldiers ignite beauties of life
Phoenix is a metaphor of life in its action
Ashes remind us to celebrate greatness of those lives

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

The Vision


I climbed and climbed
Where is the peak, my Lord?
I ploughed and ploughed,
Where is the knowledge treasure, my Lord?
I sailed and sailed,
Where is the island of peace, my Lord?
Almighty, bless my nation
With vision and sweat resulting into happiness

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

I am the Indian Ocean


Surge of my waves and their mystical themes
Embracing Bombay and Dar-es in hold
We all belong to the cradle of earth
Same human civilization pervades us all
Generations of life in these lands were like waves
Rising and falling and melting in time baobabs and
Banyans stood witness to these cycles
Bondage of slavery and foreigners yoke
Are gone with the past and power now to people
Gandhiji and Nyerere’s nobility and soul strength
Got thy the freedom, and now you have a mission
Enlightened youths, now you have to sweat
For making thy people prosperous and happy
For ye are the greatest hope, for this part of globe

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Rock Walls

Some build rock walls all their lives,
When they die miles of walls divide them.
Others build rock walls, one rock on another,
And: then build a terrace, where they pray for love.

Yet others build walls to enclose orchards,
Endeavouring to find ways to fulfill hunger.
A few others build rock walls - to make a home,
It is their mission to serve humanity and nature.


I build no walls, to confirm to joy or sorrow;
To sacrifice or achieve, or to gain or lose,
I just grow flowers on all open spaces,
And float lilies on ponds and rivers.

I keep planting trees, for birds to have nests,
At the dawn of the sun, when morning breeze blow.
Sun light get filtered through shining tree leaves,
Birds' flight gives me sense of freedom and pleasure.

Scattered light of colour and treasure,
Fragrance of flowers gives me delight of creator.
Lilies floating over like nature's dance,
Why should I build walls to confine them all?

I have no house, only open spaces,
Filled with truth, kindness and dreams.
Desire to see my country developed and great,
Dreams to see everywhere happiness and peace.
                                                                                                                                  A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Where are we?

Where are we now, dear friends,
In the Maha Sabha that shapes as history,
The call of heart beats of Indian people,
People ask us, people ask us;
“Oh! Parliamentarians, the sculptors of Mother India,
Lead us unto light, enrich our lives.
Your righteous toil, is our guiding light,
If you work hard, we all can prosper.”
Like King, so the people,
Nurture great thoughts, rise up in actions,
May righteous methods be your guide;
May you all prosper ever with Almighty’s grace.

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Radiating message from Sree Siddaganga Maths

You, in front of you, see a sage.
Wearing beautiful spiritual blessings, the sage.
Everyday, Almighty has given this sage,
A precious diamond of life.
The sage, strung over thirty six thousand,
Diamonds into a priceless garland of Tapasvi life,
With the message to humanity:
"O my fellow citizens,
In giving, you receive happiness,
In Body and Soul.
You have everything to give.
If you have knowledge, share it.
If you have resources, share it with the needy.
Use your mind and heart,
To remove the pain of the suffering,
And, cheer the sad hearts.
In giving, you receive happiness.
Almighty will bless all your actions."

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Earth shining in Glory

Our Milky Way is shining,
with millions and millions of stars.
Our beloved star Sun,
along with eight other planets around.
Orbits the Milky Way,
finishes one orbit in two hundred and fifty million years.
Somewhere in the galaxy,
echoed a voice in surprise.

"See there the Earth shining in glory
how come it got its light?"
A sweet and soft reply comes:
"It is not the mere light,
It is the light of knowledge,
It is the light of service,
It is the light of peace.
Specially radiating from Prasanthi Nilayalam

When Earth completes its eightieth orbit
Carrying a great soul in its bosom"

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Our mission is water

My mother called me Blue Nile
I am also named by mother White Nile
When we grew and grew we asked
Oh mother, Oh mother
Tell us, why did you name us Nile
Our mothers said lovingly
Oh our children
You travel and travel
Cross mountains, forests and valleys
Thousands of miles, enriching nine countries
you reach Khartoum
you Blue and White Niles confluence with a mission
God has commanded you to give a message
you give a beautiful message
When we rivers confluence
Oh humanity why not your hearts confluence
And you blossom with happiness.

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Soaring Dream

Fabulous air show of Paris in motion
My thought too in flight and yearns for my Nation
When will the planes designed in my land
Pierce the sky as lightening in action
And gracefully land as angels in full boom
All to the envy of spellbound spectators
Yes we can !!
When we are united in action and addicted to deeds
Sky can’t be limit for my nation in action !!

A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Monday, 16 September 2013

Because of absence

Mother: “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?”
Junior: “Because of absence.”
Mother: “You mean you were absent on the day of the test?”
Junior: “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.”

report card

Sylvia: “Dad, can you write in the dark?”
Dad: “I think so. What do you want me to write?”
Sylvia: “Your name on this report card.”

earth science class

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”